Lonely 101: What You Need to Know

What is loneliness? It is the gap between the level of connectedness you want vs what you have. And its not the same as being alone. It is not the same as social isolation either. Loneliness is a subjective feeling. People can have many contacts and still feel lonely.

Loneliness is not all bad. In small doses, it is like hunger or thirst. It shows that you are missing something. But when that is prolonged over time, it can be deadly.

Here's why. The human being has evolved to seek safety in numbers. So it views loneliness as a threat. It triggers a flight or fight response. Your heart rate rises and your blood sugar and pressure levels increase in case you need more energy for a fight.

More inflammatory cells are produced to repair damage. You begin to view other people as potential threats not friends. And this creates a vicious cycle. 

You feel loneliness which makes you lonelier leading to strokes and heart disease even dementia, inflammation, poor immunity, depression and suicide.

33% of adults are lonely the world over. The highest number is in Brazil followed by Turkey, India, Saudi Arabia, Italy and South Africa.

Reports say loneliness causes more death than terrorist attack. It is as deadly as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. As lethal as consuming six alcoholic drinks a day. 

According to a study:

When people don't socialise, with friends or family, the risk of death increases by 39%. So does the risk of death from heart disease by 53%.

We live in a paradoxical world. Today the world is more connected than ever through social media, phone calls, WhatsApp groups, zoom calls you name it. But this is making us more isolated. Time with screens cannot substitute for time with humans.

One of the best strategies to tackle loneliness is simply be old school. Eat meals together and hold parties or events. The UK, Sweden, Ireland and Australina have adopted what they call a 'chatty bench'. A chatty bench is a park bench where strangers can talk to each other.

As a species, humans are not meant to be lonely. We have to form close connections the old school way. Playing a virtual ping pong or instagram reels does not count. 

@drfrank222

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